| i should probably get dressed or whatever. but i don't feeeel like it. |
[08 Jul 2006|03:42pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy as eff. |
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music |
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Miss Murder -AFI |
] |
all-american rejects.
they're some good stuff.
i really don't like when people think that aar sucks. just because, of mtv exposure, and everything like that.
i mean. it's not like they're the best thing in existance.
i just think that they've been around the block a few times and know what they're doing.
and i saw them <3
and they were quite nice up next to fftl.
well. i wrote something. i wonder if you'd like to read it?
...
With everyone walking through all of this smoke and fireworks and shit, you can't imagine them noticing I was there, sitting on the usual, initial engraved, wall.
Except, maybe Skye would have noticed.
But why would they have?
I lit a cigarette, took a drag, and watched a couple kids with sparklers walk past.
Whatever.
The heat around was suffocating, and there was people everywhere, in their backyards, on the streets, blowing crap up.
And what was I doing? I was feeling sorry for myself.
I just missed him.
“It’s not your fault, Dollface,” Jess took the lighter from my hand and lit her cigarette, inhaling and holding it away from her.
“Ugh. Why do these have to make your clothes SMELL so bad?”
She gave her head a delicate shake, and crossed her legs, turning to me.
“He still loves you, you know.”
I stared at the people walking past. It’s like; you know what they’re thinking.
Uh oh, drug infested, pierced, weirdly dressed teenagers. Lets not get anywhere near them.
“Erika, hun?”
Jess was the best of any of my friends that I’ve ever known. She, like the typical best friend, had been with me through just about everything- from our first day of middle school to our freshman year, she was there for me to this day; the summer before the fucking tenth grade.
Of course, that didn’t mean that she always understood everything. Especially now, something like this, was too far gone to even be explained to anybody like Jess. She was wonderful and everything, but she saw things differently from this point than I did. Jess is the type to go through two or so boyfriends a week- a carefree, “player” (to quote her last one-night-stand named Jeremy, who I overheard on the phone outside of the movie theatre yesterday). Hah.
She was obviously, positively gorgeous, no doubt. Guys were always flocking all over her all over the place. And she liked it. Still, it seemed as though I could never begin to remember any time where she actually mourned the loss of any guy.
Mostly, because the guys were the ones mourning the loss of her, first.
tell me what you thought.
or something. /:
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[02 Jul 2006|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow. |
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music |
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E.R. -Drop Dead, Gorgeous |
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well. tomorrow..
maybe tomorrow, i get to go shopping with ellie. we can go to hot topic. and buy shit.
lots of shit.
like.. lots of fucking shit.
yeah. i'm done.
eck. i really want my tounge pierced, & i want snakebites.
and a nautical star tattoo, then i'll be done.
maybe.
rofl. as if my mom would EVER let me get anything.
she's a bitchh. it's too bad i'm getting stuff anyway! ha.
lets see..i made a cd just now. i guess i can show you what i put on there?
If You Like Me Check Yes, If You Don't Die -Showbread
Mouth Like A Magazine -Showbread
Peep Show -SikTH
Blankest Year -Nada Surf
Things We Go Through -Hawk Nelson
Through Struggle -As I Lay Dying
You've Made Us Conscious -The Audition
Girl, Are You On Your... -Drop Dead, Gorgeous
Dead On Arrival -Fall Out Boy
Deathforce Trauma -Glass Bottom Boat
E.R. -Drop Dead, Gorgeous
Apology -Alesana
Move Along -All-American Rejects
kinda mix cd to say the least.
83 chuuu. -grins at it-
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[01 Jul 2006|03:04pm] |
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mood |
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 adhgsdf. |
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music |
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The Crimson -Atreyu |
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you need to stop acting like you're better than me.
because it's all you ever do. i do something to help the situtation, and you're always there to snap at me about how "we don't need that right now!"
well fuck you.
i was helping. you need to get over yourself right now.
and you need to stop using your little friend to come up next to you and be all straight-edge in my face.
i wouldn't have so much of a problem with it if i didn't know you were sitting there talking about me to him.
you're fucking bossy. you just sit there and tell people what to do.
if you don't get things your way, you get pissed off. though obviously, you don't realize that, let alone think that there just might be something wrong with it.
i used to think you had an excuse as to why you didn't drink or anything.
then i realized, your friend probably hates it. you want to impress him, right? even though he's in fucking NEW JERSEY, oh yeah, that's damn close to here.
whatever. i think you really won't do anything, because you're scared.
and it wouldn't bother me so much right now,
if you didn't think you were so much better than me.
if you didn't think,
i was worth nothing compaired to you.
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[30 Jun 2006|07:56pm] |
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mood |
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 crushedd. |
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music |
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The After Dinner Payback -From Autumn To Ashes |
] |
110.5..
why not lose the .5? just the .5, or at least give me 107.
please..
i haven't eaten anything all day.
all i've done, is go from 112 to 110 and sit on my ass in misery.
it's his fault. i can't stand this.
he's everywhere. especially in the music that gets me through most days.
which only got me through most days because it reminded me of him.
mostly just..
the thought of him. missing him. in summer school this morning, i sat there in math, remembering how he used to come up behind me and hug me, and like, i smiled to myself.
aghhh..
massive anxiety.
i miss him so fucking much, you know? well, even if you don't..
i think you get what it's like to miss something that's not coming back.
i think it's even worse than death, because at least then you know they're not out there living and knowing you're far away, whether they even slighty miss you, or like, how they REALLY like how that girl down their street looks or something.. i bet you that she's 2034857 times prettier than me.
and i can't stand that.
and can't stand him liking anybody better than me. especially when every time i go to feel like there's some other guy that i'm beginning to like..
the thought of him comes up. i feel guilty.
NO, what are you doing?! he's still out there, alright?! he's STILL there. you still love that kid.
you still belong to him.
JUST, shut up! i tell myself, and basically attempt to regain looking at the guy again. only problem is, i see myself basically wishing he was him.
i need him.
i want him back.
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| zomfg, is this whole blog about underwear? ): |
[28 Jun 2006|12:53pm] |
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mood |
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 eh wwtf!? |
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music |
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Mouth Like A Magazine -Showbread |
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i find it funny, that someone who most obviously isn't a skank, let alone any form of whore or slut, is going to go to target with her super-fucken-straight-edge-as-ass mom, and expect to get lace-y underwear?
why the hell does she want them exactly? who is SHE taking her pants off for anyway?!
jesus christ! it's not like she has guys all around her asking for a fuck or two.
it's not like i do, either. but still. i have more of a chance of it right now.
like, if you were to look at the girl, and then me, you'd get what i mean. i look like i'm suppost to be wearing it.
she looks like she's trying to get someone in her pants. and maybe she is?
okay, i don't know enough about her and her boyfriend to tell. but knowing the GIRL, i know that she isn't the first person to basically have sex with a guy who's a grade older than her, and makes her all nervous and anxious and shit.
let alone kiss him, then?
ha. then again, i guess i don't know /wthhhh/ they do.
butttt, seeing as all they ever do is talk on the phone, and go to church..together? o__o
i can't imagine needing lace-y tease underwear.
and as for why i have/need some?
lmaoo.
i think if you know me, you know why i would.
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| eckk. |
[26 Jun 2006|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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 kdjfhasld!!&83!%*$#!@40o9wyQ. |
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music |
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Deathforce Trauma -Glass Bottom Boat |
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i hate when people are under a desperate influence.
like. "I THINK I MIGHT DO SOMETHING BECAUSE I JUST TALKED TO MY BOYFRIEND ON THE PHONE."
well. what DID he fucking say to you, anyhow? did he say he liked it? it THAT why you're doing it? YOU'RE FUCKIN DESPERATE! FUCKKK!
okay, maybe you aren't. i'm just being an ass.
but still.
is your "boyfriend" even that great, anyways? i wouldn't know, by the way.
sighh.
i must be ugly, or something like that, right? it isn't possible for every other damn girl in existance to find some form of "boy-like article" to be obsessed with.
and it really doesn't make sense when i don't get one of those.
even the last people you expected to get a boyfriend-thing, because you honestly thought you were way prettier than them, (oh there GOES the bitchy opinion) got one, and have one. and get some. which is sickening.
i'm just sick of myself. plenty of damn reasons. most being that i'm just the most trecherous-as-fuck person in existance. isn't that why what i had and wanted for the longest time left me, only to have people making it worse afterwards?
i didn't need that. and i still don't.
i am ultimately undeserving of being so hideous and obnoxious. i am rather jealous and wishing too much of myself.
i hate all of this.
*edited, k.
so i stayed up a lot of the night when i knew i was suppost to be sleeping.
i stayed up for a person who said they'd call me.
but what's the point, if i'm basically going to sit there in utmost jealousy the whole time on the phone with them? after all, i had nothing to do but whine about not having any GUY-LIKE-THING, or whine about three to four year age gaps.
it's not MY fault some of the nicest looking guys are older.
and have nice hair.
i'll get that, somehow. it's kind of like my favourite book, the storyline..
freshman, gets some from a senior? while her best friend is sitting there like, what the hell?
it's alright, i'm not trying to follow after the book or anything.
i'm just thinking. which never hurt anything, right?
yeah.
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